GPOY How I get ready for a date EDITION
So uhhh I’ve decided going out on dates is wayyyy too awkward and I think I’d rather die alone with cats. Can you tell by how excited I look in these pictures? ha
Anyway, this is a photoset I compiled as I was “getting ready” (aka procrastinating and eating candy).
Now you know what I look like when I get out of the shower O.O
has that EVER worked out positively for you?
Honestly?
I have so many guy friends who for some reason believe this is a brilliant strategy.
No. Just no.
Will this make the girl you like think you are cool/desired? No.
Will this make the girl you like think you are interested in other girls and not her? ABSOLUTELY. Will this make her think you are playing games with her? Most definitely. Will this hurt her feelings/piss her off? Probably.
I do not see how this works out well for anyone involved in this scenario, would any of my male followers care to explain this preposterous reasoning?
—
Some dude at Studio 54 last night to my friend about me.
When I asked why I seem “upset,” apparently it was because I blew off that dude and his friends when they tried to talk to us at the bar and on the dance floor.
Uhhh, hence my last post.
1. So, your logic is that if I’m not interested in you, that means I’m upset?
2. Can you really think of a legitimate reason I would want to yell small talk with a complete stranger over loud music rather than dance with my friends like I came to the club to do?
3. Yeah, because I blew you off twice that obviously means I’m just in this perpetual state of upsetness -_-
4. I. DO. NOT. GET. PEOPLE. Can someone please explain?
Just because I’m not exactly like you and other people you know doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with me.
Don’t tell me I’m “upset” just because I’m not flirting with you, k? K. -.-
THIS.
are you fucking kidding me.. why don’t you just get a couple ribs removed and suck yourself off? if your “wife material” wishlist has blowjobs at the top there is something seriously wrong with you and if a man won’t propose to you unless you suck his dick, don’t bother with him.
^preach
Not to mention, this has heterosexist written all over it. And it’s completely insensitive to asexual people, some of whom are not aromantic and do choose to get married, but do not have sex. While blowjobs are nice, they should not be a fucking prerequisite for marriage.
Are you people serious right now? Of course blowjobs are a prerequisite for marriage. If you’re not sexually compatible why the fuck would you get married? If keeping your partner intellectually and physically satisfied isn’t at the top of your “Spouse material” list, then you’re gonna be in for a rough fuckin marriage.
You wanna be real, let’s fucking be real then. For me, if you don’t pull my hair and bite my neck and enjoy sex on a regular basis, then there is fuck no way I’m getting married to you.
For guys, blowjobs are one of the best things ever. Hence, if he’s gonna marry anyone, he’s gonna marry a girl who gives them.
There is nothing sexist about this so SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.
—
My friend Justin (Discussing my dating prospects)
lololol
I know my own worth.
I don’t need you to tell me I have worth in order to know I have it.
I don’t want you to be my “other half.”
I’m not a half. I’m a whole. Unless you’re a whole too, we’re not gonna be together and that’s just how it is.
Dear Chicks,
I have yet to date one of you so maybe you’re not as ridiculous.
Though I doubt it.
You are, after all,
chicks.
DWI.
I think it would be incredibly, undeniably sexy as all hell to have subwoofers under my bed.
To just replace my freakin’ bed frame with speakers and subwoofers, yes, just YES.
Now, as to the end goal of this mission, I’m partial to dubstep because of the rhythm, the bass, the drops mmmmmmmm
However, not to worry! Your personal feelings toward dubstep really don’t matter. This idea would vastly improve sexing to music on all levels pretty much regardless of what you’re into.
HOLY DAVID TENNANT ON A UNICORN THIS ALREADY EXISTS! [Enthusiasm a result of pausing mid-post to google: “subwoofer bed frame”]
Disclaimer: I haven’t been laid in a WHILE, so you may expect more ridiculous posts like this in the near future :/ (TMI?)
I give up.
I can’t make you be interested in me if you aren’t.
And if you aren’t, well that’s a damn shame because I’m pret-ty darn interesting.
Attractive women, you’re usually straight so I have no chance anyway. And if you aren’t, I wish there was an easier way of telling.
Attractive men, you’re usually players/assholes because you’ve never had to develop personalities because you’re used to having women throw themselves at your body and ignore your mind. And hey, to each his own or whatever, but I am so tired of bothering with you; honestly, I don’t have the time or energy to play your games, because it is exhausting and entirely unfulfilling.
There’s this little thing called “self-respect” that keeps me from having sex with either a dumb pretty boy, or a smart pretty boy player, therefore:
So good day to you all, I’m done with this nonsense.
-Lindsay Out.
So I was on the BART the other day when I see this girl. She looks like some sort of gorgeous Mila Kunis/Adele mashup with blonde hair. She’s not looking at me but her reflection is. She can’t even see me, but her reflection is staring right into my eyes. So what do I do?
Blush and turn away.
…From a REFLECTION.
So yeah, I think I can say this chart is beyond relevant :/
(via assassinofjoy)
So, I was recently accused of having an “Office Crush” on my only good friend at my company. Which got me talking to a friend about the dynamics of coworker romances.
Now, the general wisdom on the subject is: “DON’T date/sleep with/crush on/etc. someone you work with!!!”
This is accompanied by general reasons such as:
Now, no doubt these are very good reasons in some situations, but they cannot be universally applied because context differs from company to company, person to person, etc.
then that is NOT a good date.
PERIOD.
I have a question:
How come with women it’s all, “He’s just not that into you. If a man wants to see you, he’ll find time/make it happen/whatever” but for men you have to fucking explain yourself like you’re talking to a three year old?
It’s not enough to say you have other plans or that it’s not your thing—because according to my male friend, “You’ve left the doors open all you’ve communicated is ‘hey, im totally open to hanging out with you but unfortunately, i have prior commitments’”—apparently you have to explicitly say, “I do not want to go out with you to any place, to do anything, at any time.”
My point is, it goes both ways, pal. If a woman is interested in you, she’ll find the time for you. Whether that be by canceling whatever lame thing she was going to do with her friends or by saying she has plans on that day, but suggesting another day/time when she’s free.
If none of that information is offered up, you should probably just take the hint.
TL;DR: If a chick isn’t into you, either take it like a man, or stop acting like women are the only clingy, clueless creatures on the planet.
I’ve recognized a pattern in my dating life that may help me in the future to decipher much more quickly that I should end a relationship:
If I’m not getting laid, when I want to be getting laid, there’s really no point in us being together.
We’re in our twenties for Gallifrey’s sake, now is NOT the time to be too busy for sex.
— Katt Williams. (via libertarians)
EXACTLY.
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