Everything is Something

vegetarianlyfe:

Welcome, one and all! If you’re reading this, congratulations! You’re about to embark on a wonderful journey I like to call “Tumblr Feminism.” It’s my hope that, one day, all “Tumblr feminists” will be required to read this upon creating a tumblr and interacting with the wonderful Social Justice community we have on tumblr!

(Please note: if you are a fourth-wave feminist or egalitarian, please disregard this guide. It’s not meant for you, you horrible sexist hatemonger)

First off, we’re going to start you off with the basics: the vocabulary of the “Tumblr feminist.” These are the key building blocks with which you will base your arguments against the terrible, horrible forces of people who want equality in this world.

Lets get started, shall we?

Mansplaining: quite possibly the most important word you can use against a male or someone you perceive to be a male, “Mansplaining” can be used to vilify, demonize, or otherwise completely discredit the experiences of men with whom you come in contact with. Is that man talking from you from his point of view about issues that affect him? Well who gives a shit about him! He’s mansplaining!

Oppression: We’re not talking about shackles and chains here, or any other physical form of oppression. Oppression is anything that makes you feel uncomfortable as a person, whether it be on Tumblr or in real life. Some guy give you a look? Don’t worry: he’s oppressing you. Average, middle-class men with no political power and very limited financial prowess are the worst oppressors of all, so be sure to tear into them at any given point you deem necessary. If a man brings up any sort of ‘male oppression’ (hah!) just laugh him off or tell him he’s mansplaining. See, you’re already getting it!

Patriarchy: This is important. The Patriarchy is the society we live in, which was created by men, for men, which every single man in the country participates in. No man is innocent of the Patriarchy. In fact, all men gather in a remote area of the Mojave Desert in late August in a secret meeting, discussing how to further the Patriarchy. These disgusting men sit around, wringing their hands while talking about how to make the new Axe commercials even more sexist. The Patriarchy never negatively affects men, ever. All social expectations of men can be bypassed and the Patriarchy won’t do shit about it.

Fauxmanism: Any feminist who doesn’t agree with you. This is really important when dealing with fourth-wave feminists who seek equality and are concerned about men’s issues (what kind of shit is that, anyways?). Fauxmanists are dangerous creatures, as they don’t resort to calling men “mansplaining patriarchy-pushing oppressors” and actually listen to their experiences and the issues that affect them. If you ever come across a fauxmanist, be sure to use dodge-and-weave tactics to avoid statistical evidence for the oppression of men. If they call you a sexist/bigot, laugh in their face and unironically claim that sexism against men can’t possibly exist.

Well, that’s the basics anyways. See you all in Part 2!